I have been married twice.
The picture I had of my first marriage was to have children. That was my only focus. And so my only role after marriage was being a mom. I have forgotten that I was someone else's partner. My son slept with me until he was 9 years old. In the end, I got exactly what I asked for and that was a life spent solely with my son. It was shocking.
The picture I had of my second marriage was to have a common goal in life with my partner. But I forgot to ask whose goal was I living? At that time, I was living my husband's dream and his life. For example our daily eating and sleeping times were very different, that was my husband's normal. Or even not flushing the toilet at night was his normal also. But when I was honest to myself, none of these were my normal. So my picture of a perfect marriage dissolved.
Having an ideal picture of marriage, we are actually marrying our pictures and not the person we are with. So in my relationship with my partner today, I choose to be having a relationship with people, that is with myself and with my partner, and no with any pictures.
This way we can be honest and open in our expression and communication, and as such we can deal with any stress that may come up and be at ease with each other.
To me, a marriage is a deepening of relationship and never a destination.
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