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  • Adele Leung

Have we realized our relationships with family can be easily taken for granted?

When we do not first take care of ourselves, we often expect others, especially family, to take care of us.

But is this really love?

My son is going into adolescence, one night he went out and stayed out late without letting us know and he did not have a phone with him.

When I returned home and saw that he wasn't home, I felt worried.

I realized I had 2 choices: 1)To continue to be worried, to get upset or to ignore him completely or 2) To allow myself to feel the situation. And I chose the latter.

When I allowed myself to feel, I was able to let go of the picture that being a mom has to be always strong and right, and being honest to my feelings, the truth was I was freaking out!

I wanted to know where my son was right that moment, I wanted him to come home.

But when that was not possible, all I could do was to feel and to first honor the feelings I was having. So I went down to the playground and played on the swings to de-stress.

After that I felt more calm and went back home, and my son has already come back by then. As I took care of my own needs first, I was able express calmly to him without reaction or pandering , “If you go out late at night without letting us know, it will make me feel worried, so please leave a note next time.”

I went to bed that night, and although my son seldom displays his intimacy with me like when he was younger, came into my room and gave me a kiss on the cheek!

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