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  • Adele Leung

What To Do After Divorce?

I have been divorced twice.

The first time my son was only 2 years old, and it was an extremely difficult situation.

I have made the choice to take of him on my own, but I had the picture of a woman cannot raise a child on her own, so it was super conflicting.

I re-married because of my son, but the truth was I did not want to accept that I had to take care of him by myself. But when my picture of family and marriage dissolved, I found that I was with my son on my own again! So I had the whole world of excuses of having to take care of him and as a consequence I would reject all relationships that came my way.

I used to feel terrified about being divorced, I felt very exhausted to love another person. But what I have now realized is my exhaustion was not because of my choice to love, but it was because of an incorrect picture I have held of love.

That picture is if I need the love from another, I would have to sacrifice everything I thought another needed, and to not give anything to myself.

So I chose to stop this exhausting way to live. I chose to take care of myself.

I started to listen to my body, respect my feelings, I accept that I have emotions. I will eat what I feel to eat, they may not be the healthiest choice, but I respect my choices. Similarly, I respect the choice of my divorce. Whether the decision is good or bad, no matter how much reaction I hear from others, I accept my decision and my choice.

In the process of my divorce, I have been separated with another, but I began a marriage with myself.

Today, I am still a full-time mom with a full-time career, but I do not feel exhausted anymore.

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